Understanding Behaviours of Distress: A Compassionate Approach

By Dean Cotton, Managing Director, Behaviour Smart Ltd

In the realm of human behaviour, we often encounter moments that puzzle us, frustrate us, or even evoke fear. These moments can manifest as challenging behaviours, leaving us grappling with how to respond. But what if we shifted our perspective? What if we looked beyond the surface and delved into the underlying emotions and needs?

The Challenging Behavior Conundrum

Before we dive into the heart of the matter, let’s explore what challenging behaviour truly entails. Imagine a child throwing a tantrum in a supermarket aisle or an adult with dementia becoming agitated during personal care routines. These scenarios can be distressing for everyone involved. But here’s the twist: challenging behaviour is a form of communication.

The Language of Distress

1. Emotional Overwhelm: When faced with external stimuli—be it noise, light, or a sudden change—our emotional circuits can overload. Challenging behaviour emerges as an instinctive response to this overwhelm. It’s like our inner alarm system going off, urging us to express our discomfort.

2. Unmet Needs: Picture a person who struggles to articulate their needs. Perhaps they’re in pain, feeling lonely, or craving attention. Instead of using words, they resort to actions, sometimes disruptive ones to convey their inner turmoil.

3. Social Disconnect: Understanding social cues and interactions isn’t always straightforward. For some individuals, interpreting the nuances of human communication feels like deciphering an intricate code. Challenging behaviour becomes their way of saying, “I’m struggling to connect.”

4. Life Experiences: Our past shapes us profoundly. Trauma, loss, or adverse life events can leave emotional scars. Challenging behaviour might be an echo of these experiences, a cry for understanding and healing.

Why Distress Matters More

Now, let’s pivot toward a more compassionate lens: distress. Rather than fixating on the behaviour itself, let’s explore the distress that fuels it. Here’s why it matters:

1. Root Cause Focus: Distress-oriented thinking encourages us to seek the root cause. Instead of merely reacting to outbursts, we pause and ask, “What’s triggering this distress?” By addressing the cause, we can create lasting change.

2. Human Connection: When we recognize distress, we step into empathy. We see beyond the behaviour of the person beneath—the one grappling with emotions, fears, and unmet needs. This shift fosters genuine connection.

3. Holistic Solutions: Distress awareness prompts us to consider holistic solutions. Maybe it’s adjusting the environment, providing sensory support, or teaching coping strategies. We become problem-solvers, not behaviour police.

4. Reducing Stigma: By acknowledging distress, we dismantle the stigma around challenging behaviour. We move away from labelling and toward understanding. After all, distress is universal; we’ve all felt it.

A Call to Action

So, how can we champion this shift? Here are some steps:

1. Education: Let’s educate ourselves and others about distress-driven behaviour. Awareness breeds compassion.

2. Listen Intently: When faced with challenging behaviour, listen beyond the noise. What’s the distress whispering?

3. Collaborate: Families, caregivers, and professionals—let’s collaborate. Together, we can decode distress and weave supportive solutions.

4. Celebrate Progress: When we witness positive changes, celebrate them. Every step toward distress awareness is a victory.

Remember, behind every challenging behaviour lies a story—a narrative of distress seeking understanding. Let’s rewrite that story with empathy, one compassionate chapter at a time.